Friday, February 27, 2009

Feb 27 News Flash

This is Chumley Trapflapper with a late breaking WGOFISH News Flash ...

Just hours ago Amusia Disambiguator of the Nasal Intonational Council of Farovia announced the winner of the inaugural "Anthem for a Wrangler" Contest.

Mandi Richardson, the winner of the prestigious award was unavailable for comment and rumoured to be in the shower practicing for the inaugural celebration where she will perform her winning piece, "T'was The Night Before ..." and be presented with the coveted grand prize.

The prize package is no less than an all expenses paid trip to Waterport where she will be accommodated at the internationally renown Waterport Hilton and escorted by none other than Earl himself to an all you can eat fish dinner at the grand opening of Bessy's new restaurant.

Watch for the full stories in this weeks WGOFISH Sunday Edition ... maybe.

Now back to the Chumley Trapflapper Show, Noon to sometime thereafter with the top 10,000 countdown.

Next on the countdown is number 7,703 ... "The Catty Fish Jig" by "The Putrids".

WGOFISH ... 123.45 [a number even Wranglers can remember] on your radio dial, the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

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T'was The Night Before ...

T'was the night before Leap Year, and down at Earl’s Shack
The Wranglers were restless, the Night Fish Crew hadn’t come back

The tarpits were stacked in the corner with care
In hope that ol’ Joan would not find them there

The newbies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of strange fishies danced in their heads.

And Gillian in her ‘kerchief, and Joe in his FW cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long weekend nap.

When out on the ocean there arose such a clatter,
Joe sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the porthole Joe flew like a newbie,
Tore open the shutters and got covered in cubies!

The moon on the bow of the dinghies below
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a mini-cruiser, carrying yet more tarpit beer.

With a little old driver, in a lava suit so brief,
He knew in a moment he’d come from the Reef.

More crazy then Schizos his Night Crew they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Terri! now, Joyce! now, Daryl and Alvin!
On, Len! On, Lee! on, Dave and on Kristen!
To the top of the poop deck! to the top of the trawl!
So FISH NOW, so FISH NOW! There’s a new Level for all!"

As wet as the seaweed that before the wild hurricane soared,
When they meet with an obstacle they leap to the Board.
So off to the Discussion Board the Wranglers they flew,
With a cruiser of popcorn, and the Earl Monster too.

And then, in a twinkling, Joe heard out the back
The whingers and moaners had entered the Shack
As Joe drew in his head, and was turning around,
In through the door came the Crew with a bound.

Their jubblies where covered with fur from head to the foot,
And the others all carried the rubies and loot.
A bundle of RLC they had stacked in the shack,
And Daryl the Giver, was opening his sack.

Now their eyes-how they twinkled! and dimples how merry!
Their cheeks were like roses, and their noses coloured cherry!
Now some of their mouths were drawn up like a bow,
Whilst some they had beards and some hair of snow.

Now some clenched their Resources all tight in their teeth,
While smoke from the Hippie fish circled their heads like a wreath.
Now you couldn’t see the face of the one who’d a little round tum,
But it shook when he laughed, like a bowl of hot chilli chum!

They weren’t chubby or plump, more like Suave fish,
And Joe laughed when he saw them, they had style, they were swish!
A wink of Len’s eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let Joe know he had nothing to dread.

They speak not a word, but get on with the task,
If you’re new and have questions, you’ve only to ask.
When laying down their thoughts or compiling some prose,
Most of us they please, the others? Who knows!

They spring to their keyboards, and give Joe a whistle,
And away they all go at the speed of a missle.
But Joe oft hears them exclaim, ‘ere they speed into the night,
"Happy Fishing to all, and to all a good-bite!"

--
Mandi Richardson (Australia)

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Feb 26 News Flash

This is Chumley Trapflapper with a late breaking WGOFISH News Flash ...

Arguably Anuisance, from the Farovian Fish and Gaming Commission, has issued a writ to "Cease and Desist all Competition Participation" against wranglette Aliciata McCoyver.

Still in shock over the public disclosure of the tryst between McCoyver and RLC Mogul Darly Davis, Anuisance has been unavailable for comment but seen scurrying about the department headquarters with heaps of documentation and legal tombs.

Ranks closed quickly around the exceedingly popular McCoyver and a public rally is rumoured to be scheduled for some time later today at a currently undisclosed location.

Froggy Flabbotom, Ace reporter for the Farovian News, has it from a reliable source that the writ issued to McCoyver is specific to competitions run by Davis. 

Froggy, in total disbelief, mumbled something to the effect that the rally is also rumoured to be expected to last longer that the typical 14 minutes with thousands of McCoyver friendly wranglers, in a totally unprecedented action, having agreed to use their skips in order to attend.

Watch for the full stories in this weeks WGOFISH Sunday Edition ... maybe.

Now back to the Chumley Trapflapper Show, Noon to sometime thereafter with the top 10,000 countdown.

Next on the countdown is number 7,711 ... "Red Wrangler Blues" by "City Joe and the Fish".

WGOFISH ... 123.45 [a number even Wranglers can remember] on your radio dial, the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

Read More......

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Feb 25 News Flash

This is Chumley Trapflapper with a late breaking WGOFISH News Flash ...

Red Love Chum Mogul, Darly "YOU'VE BEEN CHUMMED!" Davis, revealed the recipient of a steamy romance that has been brewing, just below the surface, on the RLC contest boards tonight. 

Arguably Anuisance, from the Farovian Fish and Gaming Commission, contacted moments ago, was shocked to hear of the circumstances of the tryst and will be pursuing a complete investigation.

Gotcha Onthecouch, Chief Psychologist with the Warm-N-Fuzzy Clinic of Farovia, who happened to be in the news rooms doing an interview for our "Winning ... How Come It's Never Me" series, is expressing concern over the remainder of the female Wranglers now that Darly is certifiably committed and will be watching the scene carefully.

Watch for the full stories in this weeks WGOFISH Sunday Edition ... maybe.

Now back to the Chumley Trapflapper Show, Noon to sometime thereafter with the top 10,000 countdown. Next on the countdown is number 7,721 ... "Red Love Chum Me Baby" by the Joe Faron Foursome.

WGOFISH ... 123.45 [a number even fishermen can remember] on your radio dial, the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

WGOFISH News … [Issue 003]

This just in ....

The Supreme Court of Farovia handed down a unanimous decision yesterday in the petition of the right wing group WHIMPER [Winning However Is My Personal Extended Right] that claimed in their petition to the court that the use of attractants in fishing tournaments is unfair.  The entire bench stood to deliver the brief decision and, in perfect synchronization, said ... "You've got to be joking ... bugger off!".
This decision, according to court clerk Phillip Pencilpeni, is expected to be indicative [his word not mine] of what's to be expected in the remaining 43,296 petitions that WHIMPER has in the court system to date. 
Chief Justice Joe Faron, self proclaimed Supreme Leader and King of All Farovian Islands, was found pacing the server room mumbling "fishing ... game ... what's the mystery here" over and over to himself and deemed incapable of additional comment.

The Love Chum / Gold Exchange was the scene of a foiled robbery attempt earlier today. The stunning part of of the gong show was that it didn't involve one of the usual RLC vendors [who apparently prefer the term ...broker].  Darvy Keeghandler stringer for the local branch of Trouters wire service was reportedly fishing the RLC market to see what he could catch between real casts and almost stumbled into a trap that has apparently been set quite frequently in the past, for a number of unsuspecting newbies to the exchange.  This, in an interview with Darvy;

"I'd stumbled my way around the exchange until I figured how to put out a buy order.  Having managed to put one for the 100RLC I wanted @500pp I almost jumped out of my wallies when a sell order came up with minutes - at first glance, with all the right numbers in it.  Sean [the Sleazeball] Suckerseeker had sent a trade: 100 RLC for 500,000 of my gold.  It did look a bit too good to be true, nobody really sells at 500pp and I've never really been much good with figures [well those kinda figures], so I gave it a good read.  I got to the end of the trade notice, where the gold/pp is listed ... sure enough 5,000 pp was not quite the deal I was looking for.  Seems Suckerseeker thought I was a typical tourist fisherman incapable of decipherin' the ritten word" .  Authorities were called and a crowd gathered but "the sleazeball" had scampered, slipping into electronic oblivion like a warranty claim from Microsurft.


The Suggestions / Ideas Tribunal of Farovia has issued a public tender for the production and delivery of two big rubber stamps.  One is to be engraved with "Not A Chance In Hell" and the other with "You Must Be Pissed you Silly Git". 
When questioned on the lack of a stamp approving suggestions/ideas Billy-Bob Basketcase, Grand Poombah of the tribunal responded with; "You haven't been reading that section of the forum, have you." When further questioned, specifically on the redundancy of two stamps ... "Oh, the second one is for the lads across the pond ... if you get my drift. They don't seem to 'get' anything resembling the first one, not like our US, Asian and European visitors."
When asked about the Aussies and Canadians ... he just giggled and wandered away.

FART, the Favorian Association of Renewed Tourism is circulating a petition to have the consumption of popcorn banned from all pubic places. It's not a dislike for the popcorn, FART representative Anosmia Olfactory clarified, at a rally held this afternoon on the courthouse lawn. It's the cartons strewn about Farovia that FART is trying to deal with. Simply entitled "The Popcorn FART Bill", it is expected to be presented to the council once enough signatures have been gathered.

In sports news the Farovian offshoot AFL footie team, the Adelaidey Poofters were trounced for the16th time in a row on home court by Goobah Girls of Estonia. Late in the 9th inning the Poofters, trailing by their usual 300 pts, simply walked out of the stadium and sashayed off to PeeTank Petes Lava Bar sining "Oy Oy Oy" at the top of their falsetto voices, to drown their sorrows. Bless the dears, but lock up the wee lads missus, the Poofters are on the piss.

Weather ... same old.

Now back to the Chumley Trapflapper Show, Noon to sometime thereafter with the top 10,000 countdown. Next on the countdown is number 7,843 ... "A Kiss Like a Fireball Fish" buy the "Dr. Deceit and the Twigs". WGOFISH ... 123.45 [a number even fishermen can remember] on your radio dial, the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

WGOFISH News … [Issue 002]

... this just in;

RLC donations are rumoured to be the fault of this mornings server sluggishness.  According to renown financier Plumgob Snootybugger, who asked to remain anonymous [snicker], ...

With the state of the Farovian gold market it would seem that everyone is buying and hoarding RLC, and not just the bit that is available on the Love Chum / Gold Exchange there's a huge influx of US currency. Unfortunately all these foreign investments require server time.

Joe Faron, self proclaimed Supreme Leader and King of All Farovian Islands, was found giggling foolishly on the server room floor, sitting in a heap of the foreign currency tossing it into the air.

Local authorities are pleading with the public to assist in the apprehension [just for questioning] of believed prankster Daryl “YOU'VE BEEN CHUMMED! “ Davis.  There have need numerous complaints of people being randomly and unexpectedly assaulted with buckets of chum although there has yet to be any evidence of what kind of chum is being used.  Those assaulted however are showing up at the clinics for medical care with their pockets stuffed with the Red Love variety – authorities remain stumped though.

Farovian heart-throb Alvintino Clamptight had to be briefly hospitalized after an all-nighter that went a little astray. Local authorities were called to Waterport Hilton early this morning in response to a frantic call from hotelier Gretta Grubgrinder. In a phone interview with Melvin Codspocket who transported Alvin to the hospital in his ambulance Melvin had the following to say:

Awww man, you should have seen it.  All the furniture had been shoved in the closet and the carpet covered with a plastic ... what, I can't say that on the radio – OK.  Anyway there were several empty bottles of cooking ... huh, that either – FINE.  How about the empty cases of Tarpit Stout and bottles of Rum ... oh, that's OK, great.  There was a lot of them.  It looked like there had been quite the party.  When I got there women were still crawling out of the place – every one of them bare ... no, not that either eh?  Oh, you want to hear about Alvintino.  Man, you should have seen him, lying on the gurney with this huge grin on his face, mumbling jubblies, jubblies ... over and over again.  No, I don't know what that means.  Yea, he was released from the hospital about an hour after I dropped him off. He said he was goin' fishin'. Gotta go – there's a call.

When asked if charges were being laid by the Hilton, Grubgringer was appalled ...

Bring charged against Alivintino – heavens no. Without Alvin I'd end up hanging about on the corner outside the Love Chum / Gold Exchange with the newbies begging for RLC to sell. I just had to call the authorities, the penthouse Alvin rented was 43 stories above me and the ruckus woke me up. No, there'll be no charges ... Alvin is so dreamy <sigh>.

In other news ... Farovian starlet Kareen Axteller was released from custody an hour ago after being found earlier this morning, in an indecent state, several blocks from the Waterport Hilton. When contacted “her people” had no comment other than Ms Axtell is resting. Although a rumoured associate of Clamptight there is no evidence to tie the two situations together.

The US women's mud wrestling team soundly pummelled the sorely outranked team from Upper Mongolia today in a pre-season match put on the for the Girl Guides of Farovia. The highlight of the otherwise uneventful match occurred during half-time when US team captain Terri “I’ll Smack Ya” Pullero rolled Ace photographer Flashbulb Flabbottom into a small ball, stuffed him into an empty popcorn carton [which seem to be every-where these days] and punted him right out of the stadium as she shouted “I told you ... NO PICTURES, you stupid frog!”. Froggy is reported as recovering and sharing a comfy hospital room with his brother.

The weather is expected to remain typical ... light in the morning turning to bright during the day and darkness this evening through to tomorrow.

Now back to the top 10,000 countdown with number 8,105 ... “Chum This Sucker” buy the “The Joan of Farovia Blues Band” on WGOFISH the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

WGOFISH News … [Issue 001]

This just in ....

The Farovian dollar sunk to a new low today with trading on the Love Chum / Gold Exchange forcing it down to 43,500 to the $1 US. Financial annalists seemed unperturbed with the new low stating simply that “It's been a free fall since the opening of the exchange shortly after the fiefdom of small islands was opened to public fishing.” With RLC currently trading at 2500pp it is unknown when if ever the downward spiral will stop. Joe Faron, self proclaimed Supreme Leader and King of All Farovian Islands, was found sobbing on the server room floor and refused to comment on the current financial drop.

In other news ... Ace reporter to the Farovian Times, Froggy Flabbottom is reported to be recovering in hospital after being beaten to unconsciousness with a Sonar Pulverizer at the gates of millionaire Markus Furious Sans Culpra mansion. Froggies brother Flashbulb, there to take pictures of the interview had this to report;

It was crazy, we went to get an interview on the current gold price plummet but Fury started thrashing Froggy with the Pulverizer screaming “It's my gold – you can't have it. You want some, click Fish Now. Get off my wall you leeches.”

I couldn't even get in a good picture there were all these guys surrounding Fury shooting spear-guns at me. Froggy is expected to recover in a matter of days and is accepting flies [he really likes the chocolate covered ones] if you've a mind to send him a get-well token.

In sports news ... yesterdays Micks vs Poms match was cancelled when no one, not even the players showed up. Apparently there was a one day release of a new fish and everyone was out fishing.

The weather is expected to remain typical ... light in the morning turning to bright during the day and darkness this evening through to tomorrow.

Now back to the top 10,000 countdown with number 8,293 ... “Hooked on You” buy the “Putrid Fish Foursome” on WGOFISH the FM station of choice by all Farovians.

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